I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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