I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
