it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
