So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
