Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
