I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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