My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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