Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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