Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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