You work out of a Hotel?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
