Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
