This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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