Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dicks are not precious.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
