The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
