Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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