totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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