How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
