She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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