The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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