I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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