i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
