do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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