just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
