Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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