Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
