What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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