like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
