This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
