you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
