Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
