After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
