we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
