A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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