Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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