My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
