she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
