Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
try to milk me bitch
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