So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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