I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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