Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
