people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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