awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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