so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
