when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
