dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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