hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
