i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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