You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
