If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
