Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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