it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
