woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize