she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
