I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
