i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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