Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize
