I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just blew my weed a kiss
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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