The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
