I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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