omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
