Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
