I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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