This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
