im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
