The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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