btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
