I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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