Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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