Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
