Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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