I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
