1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
