..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
