you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Are my feet made of real feet?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
